Monáe's Musings | Fabulous and Fortunate Podcast

How we experience pleasure, what it means, why it’s important, and how can we invite it more into our everyday life deserves a grander seat at the table. Pleasure is the feeling of bliss, satisfaction, and overall enjoyment. When it comes down to it: we all deserve pleasure. Pleasure is a birthright and a birthright that we don’t take advantage of often enough. Without pleasure, our lives would be bleak and devoid of meaning and liveliness. Pleasure also has a monumental healing component and is shown again and again to be effective in helping us heal our traumas. Wellness retreats and self-care, hello!

When you first hear pleasure, physical intimacy may come up in your mind, but it’s far from being just that. From the music we play to the food we put in our bodies to the type of sheets we choose to put on our mattresses, it’s a pleasure principle. We choose these things based on how much pleasure they will bring us. Listening to Barry White and Love Supreme brings me a pleasure I cannot quite put into mere words. I’m taken to a dimly lit 70s lover’s paradise when his music plays through my ears –  prompting feelings of happiness, elation, and jubilation. I get high off of the meaning behind his music, so soulful and tender, yet blushingly seductive and lustful. 

And honestly I love music. Not just oh I love listening to music, I mean I really and truly adore and am so grateful for music. I honestly do not know what I would do without it. It brings me that much pleasure and I never want to give it up. Music has the capability to change your mood and elevate any surrounding by simple sounds and the arrangement of keys. Music is extremely healing and music therapy has even been shown to be effective in treating Alzheimers – a laudable discovery to note. 

So many ways to experience sensory bliss, like how matcha tea lattes with oat milk set my soul on fire. The bliss of the taste plus the pleasure from drinking it and being able to fully envelop myself in its aroma is truly something else. I physically feel myself exhale after that first sip and I’m sure my coffee lovers know the feeling. 

I’ve been extra mindful these days about the ways I intentionally invite pleasure into my life. As I was walking the other day I decided to just look up at the sky. In an oasis of lavender, amber, pinks, and blues, from nowhere a bird flew directly above me. I stared at it until it passed into the ethers of the sky. It seemed to disappear as quickly as it appeared in my line of vision. I decided to take pleasure in how the bird graced me with its presence and the wonder of flight. I also appreciated the visual bliss I experienced from watching this being exercise its freedom to fly proudly. That was a mindful pleasure moment and it felt pure. And then I thought: what if my highest potential is to be a hedonist? To always pursue pleasure and to go with what brings pleasure to me. Then the thought occurred to me, shouldn’t we all be hedonists? Why do we think of hedonism as a negative thing? What would my life look like if I centered pleasure in an impactful and intentional way? I didn’t realize that I had de-centered pleasure in my life. Yet, I’ve rarely heard someone use the term hedonist in a positive light, but I think that is absolutely ridiculous.

Making the shift to re-center pleasure and to not be ashamed of it has truly opened my eyes. I believe that no matter who you are and what means you have or don’t have, you deserve pleasure too. You deserve to feel amazing in your life, and you deserve to pursue these facets that make you feel amazing. From physical pleasure to mental and social pleasure, who is to say it’s ever too much? No such thing. My prayer is to not be ashamed to want to feel good. To not be ashamed to want to be surrounded by things that make me feel good. I just love pleasure, it feels beautiful and it does the body and mind good. Pleasure is quite fun too. Like the Taurus I am, my perfect day would consist of a massage, eating great food, reading, an intentional foot rub, a signature facial, writing, laughing it up, toasting it up, loving it up, and being around great company that I feel safe around. 

I’ve invited more pleasure into my life these days. By reaffirming I deserve pleasure and I deserve to feel good (actually great) about myself, I have shifted the way I view myself and my life. I have even shifted how I spend my time and who I spend it with. Each day I have the opportunity to align with pleasurable experiences and find the joy in each mundane task. I’ve even made a game out of my to-do lists: each major task I accomplish and check off = one episode of my guilty pleasure reality tv show that I can watch. The pleasure principle, folks. 

When I’m cooking and mixing different colored ingredients to form a bigger vision I think of the pleasure of the act. From the cooking and preparing of the food to the serving and eating. 

In my ongoing quest to center pleasure, I was prompted to listen to music and eat intentionally. As I ate my dinner one night, I savored each bite and I felt each tempo change, staccato, and lilt of the strings in the songs I listened to. I played a mixture of mellow R&B, synth pop, and 70s airwaves hits. I intentionally listened to the tempo changes, the guitars in the background, the smoky haze of the instruments. As I took a bite of sweet potato, “Make Me Say It Again,” by the Isley Brothers played. I thought: this experience is very pleasing to me.  I made a vow to do it more often.  

My intentionality with pleasure even looks like slowing down and actually adorning my body with lotion instead of just hastily rubbing it on in the mornings and at night. 

And I love taking myself out on a dates. I love getting dressed up, spritzing the perfume, donning the lipstick, and stepping out on the town with me, myself, and moi. It’s one of those delicious pleasures that feels like I’m treating myself the way I want to be treated. I love it and there’s nothing I want to do about it. I truly used to feel guilty for wanting nice things, felt guilty for even having some of these nice things and blessings I’ve received. But truly, this does no good. I instead choose to be grateful to be able to have these pleasurable experiences and blessings show up in my life. I am grateful for pedicures. I love eating organic food. I am grateful for wellness and my accessibility to it. What I do believe should be improved upon and deserves further examination is increasing everyone’s ability to access these pleasures – regardless of economic status and income. 

I love taking care of myself in a way that brings me pleasure deep in my soul. This is not a bad thing. I am not sure where along the way I learned to feel guilty for how well I keep myself but alas it had to stop. I realized that it is damaging to my personhood and puts limits on the blessings and gifts that I have the potential to receive in this lifetime. I am ready for a pleasure revolution. Let’s invite more pleasure in, shall we?

~

Some may call me a hedonist 

But I truly think it’s the best

Maybe you could learn a thing or two from me

The little miss who pursues pleasure and glee 

Reminiscent of a bird soaring way above me in the sky 

And actually…the ability to fly?

Now that is a pleasure I’d love to give a try.